A Grievance About Singers

You know what I hate? Well you probably don’t so I’ll just tell you. I hate when you go to a concert and the artist stops singing so the crowd can sing them their song. I don’t want to pay money to have someone just hold a mic up on stage while everyone around me sings. If I wanted to hear myself sing the song I would drive somewhere or go take a shower. Yes, we know they words to the song. That is why we came! So we could hear you do it, not make it into a chore or ego booster for you to see how many people learned the lyrics to your second album. ‘Oh well it is so amazing when the fans sing our songs back to us.’ Well as a fan I would like to say it is equally as amazing when you fulfill the definition of a concert and give us a public musical performance as promised when I gave you an unreasonably outrageous sum of money.

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Pothead/Potthead…I’ve Heard It Both Ways

There is no disputing that Harry Potter has changed the literary world in ways that no one could have ever dreamed of. In the novels many of the seemingly fictional terms are actually derived from real words that often allude to the thing they are naming. For example, the cruciatus curse stems from the Latin word crucio meaning “to torture.” Similarly the Latin word Lupin means “wolf-like”, thus appropriately naming Harry’s werewolf Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Yes, J.K. Rowling knew exactly what she was doing, but like all other greats she made a human error when creating her nearly flawless magical world. Though she cleverly named an entirely fictional world, there is one term that she may have reconsidered using if she had only known its background.

Muggle.

In the wonderful wizarding world of Harry Potter, “muggle” is the term used to refer to non-magic folk. However, in the real world it had a slightly different meaning. The word “muggle” was first used in the 1920s among the New Orleans jazz crowd as a colloquial term for cannabis. More affectionately known as marijuana. The slang “muggle” actually grew to be pretty common at the time. In 1931 TIME magazine actually  published an article stating “Marijuana is a variety of hemp weed (Cannabis sativa) long common in Mexico, lately becoming common in the U. S. Its leaves can be dried, ground and rolled into cigarets, which are bootlegged under the name of ‘muggles.’ Thinner, shorter than standard cigarets, ‘muggles’ are made from the small delicate leaves of the female marijuana plant.”

Seriously, this was common vernacular back in the day. Who knew some day potheads and Pottheads would come to have so much in common. So next time you are considering Rowling a joint –it had to be done- you might want to just pick up a fantastic novel an read about Muggles instead.

Facebook Has Feelings

Can someone please explain this new feeling thing on Facebook. I seriously do not understand. Since when does your status have a feeling? Isn’t that already the point of your status? To write out what is on your mind, thus expressing how you feel! Why do you need a creepy little face with the most awkward list of adjectives ever to do it for you? Feeling safe. Uh good for you? Feeling fresh. Are you a vegetable?

This brings me to my next point, keep your personal life off Facebook. Feeling ashamed. Well that is probably because you are spending your day sitting in front of your computer telling everyone and their mom that you went through a hard break up. Go cry into a tub of Blue Bell like a normal person for goodness sake!

Now not only can we tell what you are doing, who you are with, and where you are, but how it all makes you feel.  No wonder Nev uses Facebook to find out all about the people on Catfish. It is like we are begging people to stalk us. Come on Zuckerburg, show a little restraint. I know you are like a million billion trillionaire, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere.

Mant Monday: Movie Remake

I heard a rumor through various social media outlets that, along with every other movie known to mankind, the 80s John Hughes classic Weird Science is going to be remade.

That is just not ok. You can’t just remake a classic like Weird Science. It doesn’t need to be remade! Why fix what isn’t broken?  Better yet come up with a freaking new idea instead of stealing brilliant old ones and ruining them. The only reason that movie even works is 1. John Hughes is a genius, 2. Anthony Michael Hall stars in it, and come on its Anthony Michael Hall, 3. It was one of Robert Downey Jr.’s first movies back before he added the ‘Jr.’ to his name, and 4. IT WAS MADE IN THE 80s. Nerdy Anthony and his friend literally create their own “perfect women” with an old school computer program and a Barbie doll. That would never fly today, and that is why it is such a classic!

I don’t know why, but I’m personally offended by this news. Oh and to add insult to injury the writer that is lined up is the same guy who wrote 21 Jump Street, Project X and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, and he feels that this cinematic gem needs an upgrade and plans to make the move rated R with a “Hangover like feel.” What does that even mean?! I am seriously so mad or sad or I don’t even know this just needs to not happen.

And speaking of remakes I don’t even wanted to get started on Zombieland the TV Show. Are you kidding me? There was a reason they made it into a movie in the first place, and that was specifically because the idea as a TV show flopped. Thank goodness it did, because Zombieland is an amazing movie and Jesse Eisenberg is phenomenal (well in everything really) and in the words of the Beatles we should just “Let It Be.”

I thought venting about this to the internet would make me feel better, but nope still mad. I’m just going to go lock myself in my room and watch Weird Science while I wait for the world to come to their senses! 

14 Worst Celebrity Baby Names: A List

I am the first person to admit that I love me some celebrities. More than most that’s for sure. That being said I cannot condone some of the ridiculous things they do. Seriously though, you are already famous why do you have to have offspring to prove you can be outlandish. THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

I can’t even imagine having some of these names, I mean I went to high school with an Asian kid named Dat Ho, but these kids, oh man I am glad they have famous parents! Whatever, they created these names for the public and being the public I’m about to make fun!

Here we go in no particular order (mainly because I couldn’t decide which ones I thought were the worst):

1. Blue Ivy- Beyoncé and Jay-Z

Like What?

 2. Apple- Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin (Lead singer of Coldplay if you didn’t know!)

On Oprah Gwyneth mentioned it is a biblical name…uh she might want to go back and re-read why that apple was famous.

 3. Memphis Eve- Bono

Well she dated James Lafferty and her dad is the lead singer of U2, so maybe I should change my name to Dallas Midnight or something.

 4. Speck Wildhorse Mellencamp- John “Cougar” Mellencamp

Like father, like son I suppose. Apparently he took the phrase “Hurts So Good” to heart and is using it as a parenting technique.

 5. Moxie CrimeFighter- Penn Jillette

*Note- It’s not a type-o “CrimeFighter” is genuinely one word

A classic example of a comedian taking a joke too far. Penn, you might want to make this name disappear. It is a good thing Teller took a vow of silence because there probably wouldn’t have been an act after he told you what he really thought of your naming abilities.

 6. Jermajesty and his brother Jaafar- Jermaine Jackson

I looked up the name Jermajesty and under the ‘Origin’ section it just said: name invented. Jermaine was probably singing “I Want You Back” to his wife after these two names though. ba dum bum….awful joke.

 7. Prince Michael Joseph Jackson and Prince Michael Joseph Jackson II nicknamed “Blanket”- Michael Jackson

This cannot be real life. Michael Jackson seriously named his third kid after his first kid. AND they are the cousins of Jermajesty and Jaafar! I couldn’t even make that up. According to Michael, Blanket was an affectionate term he considered to mean love. That may be true, or it could just be a sick reference to the blanket that he covered his child’s head with while he dangled him over a balcony. (true fact)

 8. Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom Rainbow, and their brother Buddy Bear Maurice – Jamie Oliver

Jamie, maybe you should spend a little less time on a food revolution and a little more time on noticing that your kids are named after My Little Ponies.

 9. Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence- Uma Thurman

This poor girl. It looks like Tarantino wore her mother out so much that she fell asleep on her keyboard while she was trying to come up with baby names.

 10. Audio Science- Shannyn Sossamon

According to Shannyn, she wanted to name her son Science after reading the dictionary a few times, but didn’t want people to shorten it to Sci and have it be misinterpreted as Simon. Luckily though, she obviously displays great problem solving capabilities.

 11. Scout LaRue, Rumer and Tallulah Belle- Bruce Willis and Demi Moore

Ok first, Bruce and Demi should know better as their names are Bruce and Demi. And second, Tallulah legally changed her name and Rumer is about to change her name as well. So at least we are all in agreement here.

 12. Satchel- Woody Allen

      Satchel- Spike Lee

Yep there are legitimately  two Satchel’s running around right now. Neither of them are named after the other, apparently it was just a popular choice. Probably because Man Purse and Suitcase were already taken.

 13. Pilot Inspector and his sister Casper- Jason Lee

Jason, just because you play an unfortunate character on TV doesn’t mean you actually have to create misfortune in your personal life. We will still take you seriously!

 14. Kal-El- Nicolas Cage

Kal-El…as in Superman’s birth name from his home planet, Krypton.

 

I think that just about sums everything up.

I’m Talking To You Lubbock Weather!

I’m about to hit you with a mini-rant. A mant if you will. I have actually just decided to coin the term “mant,” so here is my first mant:

For anyone who doesn’t know, Lubbock weather is the bane of my existence. Not in a “I was born in darkness, the shadows belong to me Mr. Wayne,” sort of way. I mean a bane in the sense that it serves as the thing that often spoils my day. And this isn’t just me being annoyed. The Weather Channel actually named us the Toughest Weather City. We literally beat out Alaska. To be fair to Alaska though, at least there you can count on the frigid temperatures. You can wake up knowing if you want to keep all ten of your toes then you should probably wear that second pair of socks. Yet here I sit in April with a high 40◦ waiting for me outside. I should mention yesterday the high was 90◦. What am I supposed to do with that? I personally enjoyed two weeks ago when I finally thought it was safe to break out my shorts, only to wake up the next day to see snow covering the ground. Annoyed. Seriously this weather might kill me. Or at least I feel like it will with my allergies being unable to cope with weather more indecisive than a 16-year-old girl (and yes mom I’m taking my Claritin). Is it hot? Is it cold? Is it windy? Will it snow? Who knows. Not me that’s for sure.

Whew, mant over for now! *Shout out Katy Shepherd- you know what I’m sayin’.

P.S. I love you Lubbock! But seriously if you don’t make it summer soon I’m going to start a mutiny.

All was well.

Image

Some might say “and they all lived happily ever after”. Those better than some would say “The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well” 

Catfish: My exposé

After following the not-so-popular MTV series Catfish, a reality show about people who engage in purely online relationships which often end in lies, betrayal, and tears; I finally could not stand the mystery anymore and decided I HAD to find out why a show about internet relationship hoaxes was named after a large aggressive fish with prominent barbles resembling whiskers. (That is definitely what they are called. I looked it up!)

Quick background on the show- It is basically like the modern version of To Catch a Predator with three main differences.

  1. To Catch a Predator is legitimate and created for dateline, and Catfish, well it comes on in-between reruns of Teen Mom on MTV.
  2. Instead of the using the Police and FBI to reveal information, Facebook and Google searches are seen as sufficient methods of finding the deepest secrets of people’s lives.

And finally…

    3. Instead of television journalist Chris Hansen busting through the door to call the police on some creeper with a crum ‘stache and sagging pants, a 28-year-old named Nev comes in and, in a voice sounding remarkably like Adam Levine’s, tries to relate to his fellow catfishers by sharing his own catfish betrayal story.

Like I said, basically the same thing. 

Fortunately for me Katie Couric must have been curious and interviewed Nev to get to the bottom of the fishy title. Yeah I went there. According to the man himself (and warning it is lamer than you think) the term “catfish” was inspired by cod fisherman. Apparently the seamen would catch massive amounts of cod and put them in large barrels in order to transport them from Alaska to China. Since the cod were so docile they would just sit unmoving and basically rot away by the time they made it to China, so some of the fisherman had the idea of putting catfish in the barrels to chase the cod around to keep them moving and fresh.

That’s literally all it is. So the term was coined to describe people with fake internet profiles as they were seen as predators chasing others and keeping them fresh.

So, mystery solved. Glad I dove into that one. (I’m just so punny I just can’t turn it off!)

Psi vs. Psy

For thousands of years Psi has consistently been used to refer to the 23rd letter of the Greek alphabet. Today though, with the help of the internet, we have come to know Psy much better as the South Korean pop sensation sweeping the nation. Gangam Style indisputably took hold of pop culture and spurred countless renditions, videos, and media references. Only with the overwhelming power of the internet could a song that wasn’t even in English secure the number one spot on iTunes in America for such a lengthy period of time. However, like all fads eventually do, it has begun to die out, but never fear because Psy is back.

No doubt by now you have heard Psy’s new single “Gentleman.” It is all over Youtube at the moment. It’s actually pretty catchy and he definitely doesn’t disappoint in the random dance moves department. I personally cannot wait to see how many guys will find it prudent to reenact the new elevator scene. I’m pretty sure he only added that bit in for personal entertainment purposes. Fair point though.

Still, it is refreshing to know that at least part of Korea doesn’t want to blow us up and nuke the world. Down south we know how to have a good time and it seems that philosophy is not restricted to any specific country.

Awkward segue…

This sign –‘&’– is technically called an ampersand. I just thought you deserved to know!

(And according to  Lord ‘Littlefinger’ Baelish “knowledge is power,” or if you are Cersei Lannister  then “power is power.” I should probably turn the TV off and go to the gym…)

Life Lessons: By Ferris Bueller…or Not

Ferris Bueller has taught me many things, but one thing that has always resonated with me is what he said that fateful day we have all come to know as his day off. He said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Well no offense to the king of the 80s and my personal favorite hookey player, but ain’t nobody got time for that!

As we enter the home stretch of this semester it seems that life is definitely moving pretty fast, and has no intention to slow down. In a few weeks everything will be changing and life will be moving ever closer. I am currently choosing to take the path of denial, because truth be told the future scares me. The idea that I don’t know where I’ll be in a few years, makes me want to grab a paper bag and head for the nearest corner. Change is one of those things that we all need, and we know it will be good for us in the end, but when it comes it is met with resistance.

Oh well life moves on right? Quite literally actually. YOLO! I suppose we just need to make the most of what is left for this academic year before times start a changin’. One thing is for sure though, when life pulls a Cameron and tells you “let’s surrender” make sure you have the guts to be Ferris and reply “never”.

What I Felt LIke When I Woke Up Today

What I Felt Like When I Woke Up Today……………….

What I Felt LIke When I Woke Up Today

It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane…No Wait It’s Actually a Bird

Funny Story: My good friend Johnny Mack “Macklemore” was innocently walking to class a few days ago minding his own business and jamming to some tunes, when a seriously lost pigeon flew into him. Yeah apparently that can happen.

More to the point however, upon hearing this woeful tale I decided to delve into the ultra-fascinating topic, and research pigeon face recognition because why not?

According to an article on the Science Daily website, pigeons display “remarkable feats of perception” and do in fact have the ability of facial recognition. In the study (or my watered down version of the study) two researchers of similar age, height, build and color fed the birds multiple times. One researcher fed the birds taking no additional actions, while the other displayed a more hostile manner and chased the birds around. After several repeats of this experiment the birds started recognizing the researcher who was just feeding them and would avoid the other one, even after several days and clothing changes.

Seriously though, this is genuinely true. Look it up if you don’t believe me. But next time a pigeon flies by and poops on you just remember they probably did it on purpose because you wouldn’t throw a french fry his way the last time you were at McDonalds. Perhaps Hitchcock was on to something. Maybe he was sending out a preemptive warning to us. Really though the pigeons are probably just seeking revenge for all that letter carrying we made them do back in the day.

So next time you are walking around use caution, because they never forget a face. But hey, on the bright side now you can say you learned something new today!