The Scariest Thing About Growing Up

Although I have been reminiscing about the past quite a bit recently, I think it is also fair to say that there is one thing about my childhood, and the overall 90s experience, that was completely horrible. It should never have been allowed to exist in the first place and has left trauma in its wake for children everywhere.

The number one worst thing about the 90s, and possibly the worst idea in the entire world, were Furbys.

Oh my gosh I can’t think of a more terrifying thing for anyone, let alone a child, to be forced to play with. Like most innocent children growing up in the 90s I had a Furby and it was definitely alive. I used to lock it in the bottom of my closet at night and hide under the covers until it would stop making horrifying noises and talking to me. True story.

I just cannot fathom why this was popular.

More to the point, in case you didn’t know, last year Hasboro re-released the Furby doll to be sold in stores nationwide. More importantly still is the new phrase they are using to sell the demonic toys. In stores everywhere pick up a Furby “a mind of its own.” A MIND OF ITS OWN?! THAT IS THE PROBLEM. You were supposed to come up with a smarter selling tactic, not a reason to burn your product into non-existence! Furbys are like the beginning of every horror movie ever. You start out all happy with a new friend and end up with everyone in the theatre screaming at you to stop being an idiot. Your toys are not supposed to be alive. They just aren’t. But really one word: Chuckie.

Man who knew I had so much pent up childhood trauma about a satanic doll. It’s a good thing I never overreact.

Image terrifying.

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I’m Not Trying To Cause A Big Sensation (Talking About My Generation)

Being home makes me feel nostalgic.

However, I very often find myself wishing that I could have grown up in a different generation. Not because I hate the world or anything like that, but simply because the 70s and 80s were just cool. The styles, the music, and the general way of life must have been something to see.

I was digging through some of my old stuff the other day and found my old Hit Clip. Now apart from still playing a solid minute of “Who Let The Dogs Out?” it made me realize the 90s were pretty cool too, and that is a time I did live through. Though it doesn’t seem that long ago, I am finding myself 20 years down the road thinking about how different of a time it was back then. I can’t even remember what life was like before I could just Google every little thing that poped into my mind, but Google wasn’t even created until the late 90s. Not to mention there was no Facebook or anything else when we were kids, well younger kids. It is crazy how fast social media has taken over the world, but I digress.

The point I am trying to make is that it was awesome being a 90s kid! I miss the days where I could come home in my overalls, check if my Tamagotchi was still alive, watch the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and eat a push pop while I shamelessly jammed out to the latest N*SYNC hit on my Hit Clip. Then I would cuddle up under my covers with my Beanie Babies and dive into a Goosebumps Book or when I got a little older Harry Potter. (We are the Harry Potter generation like what is better than that?! There was nothing like going to a book store at midnight to get the latest Harry Potter book only to rush home and disregarding all sleeping, eating, and human contact for a few days until you finished it only to begin re-reading the entire series)

So no matter how much I wish I could go back and see all four of the Beatles or say ‘groovy’ in normal conversation or just sit on the hood of a car and listen to Journey records after school, I am really glad that I got to grow up in the 90s. Like every decade before it, it had a life of its own and there was simply nothing like it!

The Best Part Of Our Childhood- In 3 Minutes

Watch this is you want to relive your childhood in the best way possible!

Space: The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship…well you know

Well summer is officially here! Since finals I have been in a perpetual state of moving so I finally found some free time to go see Star Trek: Into Darkness (uhh twice) and after the second time I just want to talk about it so duh what better place to do that than here?! So prepare for all my random thoughts to tumble out in this post…

First of all if you haven’t seen Star Trek: Into Darkness you should go. Right now. I’ll Wait.

It is the perfect blend of unfailing action, beyond fantastic music, a villain with the gift to make anything sound hair raisingly sinister and an interesting story line. On top of which non-trekkies will understand what is happening just fine, but there are still subtle jokes to be found for those of us who grew up with our fathers quoting the show as it played on TV every night. Live long and prosper Leonard! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll want to see it again! Well you probably won’t cry but point made. (Sidenote: Benedict Cumberbatch is phenomenal and if the movie was him running around alone on Kronos I’d still go see it! But it was nice to see him kicking butt and being a good ‘ol fashion baddie)

Moving me to my next point. Anyone who can accurately claim their title as a Whovian would have noticed that Mickey was the man who made a deal with Benedict Cumberbatch’s character at the beginning of the film. Little Mickey! Playing a grown man. In addition to the personal little reunion moment I had after seeing him, it made me start thinking how weird it is to begin the transition of actors you know playing kids in films, to them playing parents. Maybe it is just undeniable proof that we are growing up, but it is still incredibly strange. For instance, a generation ago Tom Cruise was a little kid who got left at home and danced around in his underwear with prostitutes while his parents went away for the weekend. Now he is trying to save Dakota Fanning from an alien invasion, playing drunken washed up rock idols, and trying to save the world with Morgan Freeman.

There was once a time when the biggest problem in Matt Damon’s life was that he was so smart he needed Ben Affleck and Robin Williams to help him get into college. Now he is off buying zoos with Scarlett Johansson. I don’t like it. I need everyone to stay the way they are. I’m not even really sure where I was going with that. Just something I was thinking about.

West out.

(seriously go see it.)

Keep Calm And Learn Your History!

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So I know we are at the tail end of the whole “Keep Calm and Carry On” trend. For a while there it seemed like we were being told to chill the heck out and carry on doing any random thing people could think of.  What happened then to make me bring it up you ask? Well I saw the sign, as I have grown quite accustomed to seeing, somewhere and it occurred to me that most of the people that have jumped on the Keep Calm bandwagon probably don’t even know what it is or where it came from.

You’re about to find out.

First, you should know that this phrase originated in the UK. In late 1939, after the start of World War II, the British Government created a United Kingdom governmental department known as the Ministry of Information . The Ministry of Information was created to handle the publicity and propaganda of the war. They were assigned the task of creating morale boosting posters to put up all over the country to keep people’s spirits up in a time of war. The ministry created two posters, and a third one that was to be used in the event of a German invasion into Britain.

This third poster was required by the government to be a bold eye-catching color, and feature the famed crown of the then king George VI. Thus the “Keep Calm and Carry On” poster was invented. Well we all know, or you do now, that the invasion never happened and the poster was never released to the public. So it would seem no one would ever have their morale boosted by this catchy slogan.

Well we know better don’t we.  Almost 60 years after the conclusion of the war, someone randomly came across the old posters somewhere (wow could that be any vaguer? Whatever, it don’t matter!) and bam we have a new topic trending on twitter.

So next time you see a care free Keep Calm and ______ [insert various random phrase here] you will know where it came from and you can tell all the ignorant people how you know the truth. And how the truth will set you free. And then you can bite your thumb at them and walk away exasperatedly. Well, you can if you’re a Montague, but it might be safer and more 21st century to say MMMMM Betta Not and take the Pitch Perfect moral high ground.

Summer Brings On The Blockbusters!

School’s out for summer! School’s out forever! Not. Sorry Alice Cooper it’s just for a few months. But one amazing thing about summer, besides the lack of pencils, books, and teacher’s dirty looks (again thanks Alice!) are all the great summer blockbusters that come out, and this summer is no exception. So in order of release date here are my top highly anticipated movies for this summer:

  1. Star Trek: Into Darkness (May 15) –The inevitably epic sequel to the 2009 reboot. The only way it could be better than the first one was if Benedict Cumberbatch was in it.
  2. The Hangover Part III (May 24) –We have come to far not to see it to the end. I for one can’t wait to see what mischief the wolf pack manages to get themselves into for this final installment on what has unexpectedly become a record shattering comedy franchise.
  3. Now You See Me (May 31) –Words cannot express my excitement for this movie. It hasn’t been publicized that much, but with this all star cast there is just no way it will be anything less than amazing. Jesse Eisenberg, Mark Ruffalo, Jake Gyllenhaal, Woody Harrelson, Dave Franco, and MORGAN FREEMAN (to name a few). Yeah, you know it will be good.
  4. The Internship (June 7) –Summer just wouldn’t be complete without a reunion of the wedding crashers. 1) This movie looks hilarious 2) It’s Owen and Vince 3)DYLAN O’BRIEN IS IN IT. Done.
  5. This Is the End (June 12) –I think this entire summer is just going to be filled with laughing, because literally every hilarious person ever is in this movie, plus Hermione. Literally everyone.
  6. Monsters University (June 21) –Of course what would summer be without a littler blast from the past, return to those good ‘ol childhood days.
  7. The Wolverine (July 26) –It’s X-Men, don’t really need to say anything else.
  8. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (August 16) –So Percy Jackson is one of my favorite book series ever. Now, that being said the first Percy Jackson movie was complete crap. They didn’t even get the plot right. THE PLOT! Awful. I know you can’t please everyone, but getting the basic story line right might have been nice for all of us book fans who went to see the movie. Yet, ever the optimist, my hope is that with a new director, slight casting changes, and Annabeth almost having the right hair color there will be some redemption in it for those of us willing to give them a second chance.

Bo Is Back!

So fact about me: I am a die hard Bo Burnham fan. I will forever think he is a genius and master of words. There is no one else I would rather be jamming out to in my car when the super cute captain of the lacrosse team drives up awkwardly and sits there at a red light looking at you like you spent the morning eating paste. True story. (frankly Words Words Words is worth it) And even when he falls off the face of the planet for two years, no exaggeration, I still love him!

However, my wait is over as Bo is back!!! After two long years he is hitting the road with his new comedy special, which he is also going to record for a segment on Comedy Central. In addition to that great news he is randomly staring in his own TV show “Zack Stone Is Gonna Be Famous” which is now on MTV and hilarious, so I just wanted to take a second out of my day and express my utter (not to be confused with udder…moo) glee that this comedy god has finally returned from hiding!

And remember Bob Barker is watching, so get your pets spayed and neutered.

Help! a misconseption

Any Beatles fans out there?

Not like the nasty bugs. Like the iconic fab four,  British invasion, let’s start a “Revolution” kind of beatles. If you’re not a fan, you are missing out on one of the greatest bands of all time and this post will be completely irrelevant to you as it is targeted to the ever faithful beatlemania crowd.

I came across something interesting “Yesterday” that I really wanted to share with my fellow fans. After “A Hard Days Night” of extensive researching I have learned a few new fun facts about my favorite foursome. Not to worry, “I Feel Fine”, but I urge you to “Come Together” as I share what I have learned. (It’s too easy!)

In 1965, the Bealtes stared in the 90 minute film Help! and released their own original soundtrack for the movie. Both the album and the movie poster feature all four members in blue apparel with their arms aloft.  It is a common belief that the group is spelling out H-E-L-P with their arms in semaphore. (Quick side noteSemaphore is a system of visual signals using two flags if you were unaware) Most people will go on living their lives none the wiser thinking this, but fortunately I know the truth. ACTUALLY what they are spelling out with their arms in semaphore is N-U-J-V. This is merely because the photographer originally positioned the young men to spell out Help, however  decided that he did not like the way it looked visually and elected to just change their arms around until he thought it looked good.

Silly photographer. Probably didn’t know he was messing with history at the time. If you want to go one step further, those dedicated to the Paul McCartney is dead hoax thought N-U-J-V stood for New Unknown James Vocalist, James being Paul’s actual first name.

But now you know the truth, and you can go forth a true fan armed with one more facet of the mystery that is the Beatles.Image