Although I have been reminiscing about the past quite a bit recently, I think it is also fair to say that there is one thing about my childhood, and the overall 90s experience, that was completely horrible. It should never have been allowed to exist in the first place and has left trauma in its wake for children everywhere.
The number one worst thing about the 90s, and possibly the worst idea in the entire world, were Furbys.
Oh my gosh I can’t think of a more terrifying thing for anyone, let alone a child, to be forced to play with. Like most innocent children growing up in the 90s I had a Furby and it was definitely alive. I used to lock it in the bottom of my closet at night and hide under the covers until it would stop making horrifying noises and talking to me. True story.
I just cannot fathom why this was popular.
More to the point, in case you didn’t know, last year Hasboro re-released the Furby doll to be sold in stores nationwide. More importantly still is the new phrase they are using to sell the demonic toys. In stores everywhere pick up a Furby “a mind of its own.” A MIND OF ITS OWN?! THAT IS THE PROBLEM. You were supposed to come up with a smarter selling tactic, not a reason to burn your product into non-existence! Furbys are like the beginning of every horror movie ever. You start out all happy with a new friend and end up with everyone in the theatre screaming at you to stop being an idiot. Your toys are not supposed to be alive. They just aren’t. But really one word: Chuckie.
Man who knew I had so much pent up childhood trauma about a satanic doll. It’s a good thing I never overreact.