Boys: A Private Lesson

Yo fellas, serious question.

No really, as a female who is just curious answer me this:

Why do male singers feel the need to grab their nether regions when they are singing a song. I think it’s worth mentioning to male singers everywhere that they either have a good voice or they don’t, and that they don’t have to go to such extreme measures to get out those high notes! It’s not like that’s where your hand naturally falls when you are standing up either. Like you have to do some reaching. Now I’m all for exercising and I know yoga is supposed to do wonders for your health, but that seems a little extreme if you ask me. And if it is where your hand naturally falls, you might want to think of a new placement that doesn’t show the entire world the habits of your free time. Personally, I’ve noticed rappers are exceptionally guilty of the sing n’ grab.  Today it seems to be a quite progressive concept that pants are fashionable the lower they sag, so maybe they are simply trying to hold up their pants? Maybe they just have a painful UTI? Maybe they do it in a non-conformist “Stick-it to-the-man” sort of way. Ironic that they all do it now…. Maybe they just really have to pee, which would also explain why they talk so fast in their songs so they can finish quickly and dash to the restroom. Snap I think I just cracked the great mystery behind male rappers. They all need a wee. BOOM.


Real Talk: From One West To Another

So I wasn’t going to write anything today, but as all great writers are forced to do, I must  go where the story takes me as it is my doodie to report the news in a prompt and non-biased way for you the reader.

HAH what a joke. That sentence is more full of crap then Lou Ferrigno’s toilet. What I really want to talk about today is Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s new baby. I actually wasn’t going to post anything today, but the opportunity was just to great to pass up on this one!

In case you haven’t heard about Kimyes new baby girl because you inevitably have a life they have chosen to go in a new direction, well two actually. Their daughter’s name is *drum roll* #bigreveal……………………………………………………………………………………………. North West.

Oh where to begin. I should start by saying I feel like I have an abnormally large amount of authority on this subject because MY LAST NAME IS WEST! I have an entire family, generations of it actually, filled with sisters and girl cousins, and aunts and grandmothers and so on. All girls, no directions. In addition to feeling like I  have a greater say in this, I also feel kind of personally attacked. Like my entire name has been besmirched. It’s not even as if North is a common girl name in the first place. I can understand something like Summer or April, but you can’t just make every random word a name. (Thinking of you Mrs. Paltrow) Also, dumb name aside, whats up with her killing her families ‘K’ name tradition. First she takes down my family, then she ruins the traditions of her own? I think at this point it is also worth mentioning that this poor little girl doesn’t have a middle name so there isn’t even a tiny space of hope there to split up her name. A magazine I read said they interviewed an allusive source “close to the couple”, if  that’s not vague, who said they will call her “Nori” for short. 1. That’s not short for anything and 2. If your kid is going to immediately go by a nick name then just name them that in the first place (unless you are keeping a family name, which she is not).

On behalf of West’s everywhere I am thoroughly disappointed.

Summer Blockbuster Update

(Upon re-reading this I noticed that it is kind of long and potentially boring. So just go into it expecting my opinions, however lengthy they may be, because that is the reason I started this blog. To have a place to put all my ranty opinions and if you don’t like it then cool stop reading but ima do what I do)

I have officially seen 5 of the movies on my highly anticipated summer blockbuster list. So I should probably add some more because there is a good chunk of summer left, but here are some thoughts on the ones that have come out thus far:

  1. Star Trek: Into Darkness– I’ve already spent a massive amount of time singing my praises for this movie, but if you don’t know it is simply awesome so go see it.
  2. The Hangover Part III– I was kind of really let down by this movie. Don’t let that discourage you from seeing it, but know that if you do intend to go you should definitely take a big group with you. Movies are always funnier with big groups of people. Personally I thought it was super boring.
  3. Now You See Me– I thoroughly enjoyed this movie! It got absolutely terrible reviews which I frankly don’t understand. Movies about magic always have to be careful anyway, because the inevitable big reveal at the end of film will either make the movie or break it *cough The Illusionist*. However, as far as this one was concerned I really liked it and I thought the all-star cast was something to be reckoned with. The one comment I have if you’ve seen it, is the plot twist at the end. While admirably unexpected, for me it shattered the illusion of the movie a little because it took away many of the fundamental character interactions and relationships for anyone who ever wants to re-watch it. (I really liked the idea of them outsmarting the dumb detective). Still it was lovely as always to see Jesse taking on a role very unlike the ones he has become known for, Dave setting himself apart from the shadow of his older brother, and Morgan Freeman well is Morgan Freeman.
  4. The Internship– I am absolutely in love with this movie. It also got abysmal reviews, but personally I thought it was nice to have a fresh comedy that was PG-13 and could be funny without being flat out explicit as is the norm for comedies today. For my own peace of mind I want to rebut the most common criticisms people seem to be having about this movie. One-Vince and Owen have lost their chemistry since their Wedding Crasher days. This is false. Though it is a different type of humor portrayed, their chemistry is at its best and lends itself to the natural humor of the movie. Two- It is just one big campaign for Google. Um Duh. That is literally the point of the movie, and it would not be as impactful or relatable to the audience if it had been anything else. Vince Vaugn also wrote this movie which is something not many actors could do. Yes it’s not rated R for a change what a shocker for a comedy in this day and age I know! But everyone needs to calm it down and enjoy it for the light hearted, refreshingly family friendly movie that it is.
  5. This Is The End– In a complete 180 from The Internship, this movie is your typical raunchy comedy. That being said if you like that kind of movie and don’t get uncomfortable easily then there are plenty of laughs to be had here. I’m still not sure if I liked it or not, but for all its misgivings it made me really happy. The ending in particular had me rolling on the ground in a giddy sort of happiness. Plus there is something to be said for the uniqueness of this particular movie, with everyone portraying themselves, and if you are willing to roll with the ludicrously created story line it is pretty hilarious.