Real Talk: From One West To Another

So I wasn’t going to write anything today, but as all great writers are forced to do, I must  go where the story takes me as it is my doodie to report the news in a prompt and non-biased way for you the reader.

HAH what a joke. That sentence is more full of crap then Lou Ferrigno’s toilet. What I really want to talk about today is Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s new baby. I actually wasn’t going to post anything today, but the opportunity was just to great to pass up on this one!

In case you haven’t heard about Kimyes new baby girl because you inevitably have a life they have chosen to go in a new direction, well two actually. Their daughter’s name is *drum roll* #bigreveal……………………………………………………………………………………………. North West.

Oh where to begin. I should start by saying I feel like I have an abnormally large amount of authority on this subject because MY LAST NAME IS WEST! I have an entire family, generations of it actually, filled with sisters and girl cousins, and aunts and grandmothers and so on. All girls, no directions. In addition to feeling like I  have a greater say in this, I also feel kind of personally attacked. Like my entire name has been besmirched. It’s not even as if North is a common girl name in the first place. I can understand something like Summer or April, but you can’t just make every random word a name. (Thinking of you Mrs. Paltrow) Also, dumb name aside, whats up with her killing her families ‘K’ name tradition. First she takes down my family, then she ruins the traditions of her own? I think at this point it is also worth mentioning that this poor little girl doesn’t have a middle name so there isn’t even a tiny space of hope there to split up her name. A magazine I read said they interviewed an allusive source “close to the couple”, if  that’s not vague, who said they will call her “Nori” for short. 1. That’s not short for anything and 2. If your kid is going to immediately go by a nick name then just name them that in the first place (unless you are keeping a family name, which she is not).

On behalf of West’s everywhere I am thoroughly disappointed.